its funny how shadows can silently hide in the corners without any knowledge that they remain, clinging, grasping, holding onto that part of you that you have buried, hidden, tried to forget.

and then, you dare, you try, you shine a light into that forgotten part of you and there it is, the shadow. that ugly reminder. the pain that you wanted to release. that doubt that you wanted to forget. the fear that you tried to hide.

and there it is. waking next to you. pouncing on that which is magical. strangling something real. and crawling behind your eyes until they rain down, and rain down, and rain down.

the shadow reenacts so vividly that it is hard to tell the past and the present apart.

and yet,

I dared to trust.

I dared to trust.

I DARED to trust.

and that was cherished. and that was honored. and that was beautiful.

and these shadows make me scream FUCK!

your mess fucked me over and sent me tumbling from that vulnerable safe space I thought we shared into my own private hell.

and now this shadow grapples with my being to be a part of something that [I know] is so utterly different, distinct, and blessed.

this shadow wants to pull me in and swallow me whole.

but this time, I am going to say goodbye.

this time, I am going to say this is were we part company.

this time, you need to know that I can’t give you any more space in my life, lest of all the corners that I am working so fucking hard to heal and make my own again.

this is the time when I am saying goodbye to shadows.