many years ago
i learned
in the midst of hell
my only course of sanity
was to flee in the night

this was a necessary recourse
for that time and place
preventing me from becoming
a danger to myself
or allowing another to crush
what was left to call me

since then, however
when i get scared
this learned instinct
returns

i’ve run
several times before
i start to fantasize
about getting in my car
and driving,
driving,
driving
and not looking behind me

these thoughts have creeped
past my consideration
in recent days
but
something
new
gives response

acknowledge your fear

wait, what?

acknowledge your fear
is the gentle reminder
in the multiple tones
of my tribe

five beautiful voices
singing their sweet support

you can be scared . . .
and we will be the hands
that hold you
and we will be the hands
that offer healing

and i am reminded
of the strength
within me

and i am reminded
of the strength
within my tribe

and i realize
that i
don’t want to run

and even though
this vulnerability
scares the fuck out of me
i am allowing myself
to trust
in this trust